If you're on the highway to hell, you may as well sleep in a Heavenly Bed

So, it's here. My greatest reward in life. No, not my wonderful husband or a baby but my Heavenly bed. Oh yeah, bitches! I can't seem to walk past my room now without pitstopping on the bed for a quick rest. It's made getting anything done virtually impossible. However, the road to heaven was not an easy one.

After waiting 4 whole weeks (yes, I marked it on my calendar and watched the days tick by like I was in prison) I broke down and called Nordstrom's to find out when I could be expecting my bed. Afterall, I had to get ready for its arrive by cleaning the bedroom and moving some large cabinets out of the way and I wanted to leave us plenty of time to do that. Of course, I had to call Nordstrom's twice before I got any sort of an answer and "you still don't have your bed?" was not really the answer I wanted to hear. Turns out it was delivered to the delivery agent quite a few days ago and I should have already heard from them to schedule a delivery. I had not.

"Well, you will definitely be hearing from them today if you haven't already" said Tyesha.

After hanging up with her, I waited an hour and checked my messages at home. Nothing. In fact nothing until Thursday morning just as I was grabbing my keys to leave the house at 9 a.m. I stood by the calendar waiting to schedule a date with this guy thinking it would be within the next week since it was Thursday already.

"How about this afternoon?" They asked.

Um, excuse me? This afternoon, like in a couple of hours. Uh, no. I explained to the guy that I do work (contrary to being in my house at 9, whoops) and i had to do some stuff in order to get ready so pick another day.

"How about tomorrow (Friday) between 9 and 1."

So, Friday it was. I scheduled a last minute day off (which I HATE doing) and The Hubs and I worked from the time we both got home until 11 p.m. that night cleaning, vacuuming, moving furniture so the guys had easier access up the stairs. Friday morning, despite not having to go to work, I was up at 8 to strip the bed and shower before the guys got there. As you know, it was a rainy day. I started watching the clock.

By noon, something told me to call the delivery company. So, i did. And I was REALLY nice about it. I said, "I am sure you will be delayed because of the weather, can you just tell me how off schedule you are?"

"Oh," The Asshole began, "we won't be delivering your mattress today because of the rain. We don't want it to get ruined."

Trying to keep my cool I explained that I took the day off work and worked around them and their short ass notice. I also explained, I do not get paid for days off. And I also said, 'It's been raining since 7, couldn't you have called me earlier and told me you weren't delivering and I could have gone to work!?!?!?!?!"

"Sorry," The Asshole said, "We're going to try and get it to you on Saturday. We don't usually deliver on Saturdays, but we'll do it. I'll call you later tonight to schedule."

That was the tip off that they had NO INTENTION Of delivering it on Saturday because why wouldn't you reschedule with me WHILE I'M ON THE PHONE. I figured I would get nowhere with this guy so I hung up and called Nordstrom's. In fact, while I was on the phone with them a Bob's truck pulled in. Apparently, they could deliver in the rain. "Bob's is even delivering," I hissed.

A few minutes after my Nordstrom's rage, the delivery company called me back and scheduled a Saturday delivery between 8 - 10. I made them promise eight times that they were going to come. After the third time the guy was getting mad but he got off easy. If that fucker were in front of me, I would have made him pinky swear.

So, at 9:48 Saturday morning I got a call from a random cellphone asking me if i was expecting a delivery from Home Depot. When I said no, the caller on the end was about as confused as I was. The Hubs said I should have just said yes. Like that suggestion made any sense. A few minutes later (down to the wire, obviously) my doorbell rang and my mattress was delivered.

Sweet sweet sweet heavenly bed.

How it's arrival led to a full blown bedroom makeover is a blog for another day.