Tuesday, May 08, 2007

License to Ill

I think Stew is getting a bit worried. See, he hasn't been hearing many good things about marriage from his unhappily married co-workers. While Stew admits to getting excited about he wedding, I think a fear is growing in the pit of his stomach. As the weddings of his friends near they express some frustration for their future spouses and tell stew to heed their warnings. "Lisa will get crazy right before the wedding. Brace yourself and just roll with it."

Truth be told, I may get a little wonky before the wedding but there is a slight chance I may not. I hated this wedding business from Day 1 so all my craziness reared its ugly head early on. I was hoping if Stew saw the craziness early on, he would rethink wanting a wedding before we dropped too many non-refundable deposits.

Apparently, I was not crazy enough which is shocking because I was pretty damn crazy.

A lot of it came from being overwhelmed and not knowing where to start. So, after I resigned myself not to winning the war I waged, I bucked up and broke it down. The plan was to tackle everything I could early enough and map out the rest. It frightened me how organized I was and what a drill sergeant I became about deadlines but Stew knew it was either drill sergeant or crazy and he liked the idea of drill sergeant much better. However, I dragged Stew along with me to every meeting, every registry selection. If he wanted this wedding, he had to be tortured just like me. This included, but was not limited to, watching endless videos of DJs, a lot of rhythmless crackers dancing to Bon Jovi, meetings with a florist who tried to take us for $2300 for an archway and the constant barrage of "what about this invitation/bridesmaids dress/color/song/favor?" questions which I demanded answers to. Not to mention any of the flack we had to take from our respective parents about the location and the decision to have a JP instead of a priest.

When I say uphill battle, I mean in an ice storm while it's raining grease.

Every time he looks a little stressed or beaten, I silently snicker to myself and asked him, "Aren't you glad you wanted a wedding? Don't you wish you listened to me about eloping? Isn't this so much fun?" Of course he would say this is what he wants but he said it through gritted teeth leading me to believe otherwise. Then I will not-so-gently remind him that for the next couple of months his time and attention belongs to me so don't go making any plans. I know this is mean but I'm not going down alone.

All that BS crap you see for weddings with a phrase that alludes to two hearts beating as one is no joke because as a couple you either killed your partner or you're around them so much you are now a single-celled amoeba.

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