Thursday, April 30, 2009

I appreciate your concern, but get away from my car

So, it finally happened. Actually, it happened two weeks ago but I am just getting around to telling the story now. When I say "it finally happened", I mean that someone thought I left my crying kid alone in the car while I got my coffee fix.

My mom and I were out on the town with Lady Bells. I offered to buy her a coffee (actually, she ended up buying just because she wanted to escape the car that was slowly filling with screams). We pulled into the back parking lot of the DD on High Ridge. My plan was to go in and get the coffee but my mother beat me to it flying out of the backseat before I could even get my hand on the handle and say "my treat."

Lady Bells was REALLY starting to go at in the backseat. In an effort to calm her down, I hopped in the backseat with her and leaned over her to start soothing her which was useless because she has proved to me countless times that she will calm down whenever the hell she is damn well ready to and anything I have to say is just more background noise for her to scream over. It was relatively warm that day and the windows were down. I felt bad for a group of high school kids eating their high school specials on the hood of their car. They kept looking over at the car, because obviously, it sounded like I was murdering my child. I mouthed "sorry" to them and continued my useless soothing attempts.

That it when "it" happened. I saw some guy creeping around my car peering into to the windshield first and then coming around to the driver's side. I thought he was going to steal my car and my baby so I immediately sprang into acting, popping up quickly in a defensive stance. The guy was unphased (I have to work on my scary face) and just nodded and walked off. It occurred to me, he was checking to see if someone was in the car with this crying kid. I got really freaked that he called the police before he checked to see if anyone was in there and within seconds dozens of police cars were going to come flying in the parking lot and see a very alarmed Dr. Horder. I started to panic and began having visions of standing in a courtroom (on the wrong side of the bench) defending myself that I was in the car. That is when I remembered that the high school kids saw me get out from the front seat and get into the back thus never leaving my kid unattended in the car for more than the time it took me to get from front to back and if my ass wasn't so big, I would have just climbed back there. Phew! I have witnesses.

Finally, my mom came out and I practically had the car in drive before she even got in. I was getting the hell outta dodge ASAP. The po po ain't taking me down for something I didn't do.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh goodness! That is hysterical! You sound like me going places where the mind should never go! Ha!

Oh motherhood will fill us with gray hairs and wrinkles yet!