Saturday, April 25, 2009

Crib day and how I woke up on the wrong side of the bed

No joke. Lady Bells' room is the nicest room in the house. The Hubs dreamed up a nursery in his head and I did everything in my decorating power to make it happen. He wanted the perfect nursery for his daughter. Altho' he regretted not dreaming that it had a flat screen TV he could watch sports on during night/morning feedings. Her room is a sanctuary that remains virtually untouched with the exception of some feedings and diaper changes altho I have the cleaning people clean it religiously .... just in case.

"Is she in her crib yet?" The pediatrician asked me at her 7 week check up. I hung my head in shame and said no. I knew the day had to come. I was ready for it. I was preparing by watching The Sleep Solution over and over until ever tip was etched in my brain and I began referring the hosts as "those two uppity estrogen pumping bitches who obviously never encountered a child like my child who was slowly killing my Dyson."

The Hubs and I figured a move to the crib should happen before I went back to work in case there were incessant nights of crying. We decided to do it on a weekend so he could stay up too. We spent the early evening making sure the video monitor worked, the camera was in a good position relative to where I was going to place her and the nightlights were all in place. He also moved the bassinet out of the room because he knew if it was still there, I would be weak against her crying and take her back into the room with us. He put my nightstand and lamp back.

We gave her a bath, fed her a bottle and when she was nice and asleep in my arms, I carried her up the stairs. The Hubs left the stuffed monkey in the spot I was going to put her in so I had to run the risk of putting her down, then picking her up again. Lucky for me, she was so tired from barely napping that day that she barely woke up when I moved her twice. I quickly snuck out of the room and into the bedroom where my eyes immediately became glued to the monitor. She woke up. The Hubs and i took a deep breath and waited for the raging to begin.

Surprisingly, it didn't.

I started thinking of things we did wrong and safety measures I forgot like how close was the bassinet bedding to the nightlight.

"I should move it," I said.

The Hubs all but pulled me back by the straps of my nightgown. "Wait until she is asleep again."

I agreed and walked into the bathroom. I had to flush the toilet though (usually we don't in the night if its just pee but since Flow is in town, I had to flush) so I closed the bathroom door and flushed. I quietly opened it again and sprinted back to the bedroom.

"Well, she WAS sleeping." The Hubs said.


We turned off the light, laid in bed and watched the monitor. She wasn't doing much but trying to find her thumb which is pretty amusing to watch.

"I should have put the old nightlight in the bathroom," I said.

"You are not going in there. Wait until she falls asleep." The Hubs said.

Obviously, no matter how many times I watched that video, I had it all wrong. I kept wanting to go in thee BEFORE she cried out. I am such a tool. Finally, she fell asleep and The Hubs gave me the green light to tip toe in and ease my fears that the bassinet drape was too close to the nightlight and retrieve the old nightlight and set it up in the bathroom.

"The hall should really have an outlet," I said making my mental list of things I will improve in the near future.

I crawled back in bed where The Hubs was already in a light sleep with his sleep mask on shielding him from the faint light pouring out of the bathroom.

I checked the monitor, she was still asleep. However, note that i was not asleep. I was nowhere near sleep for someone who had 4 hours the night before. I should have been asleep with my sleepmask on but alas, I was wide awake. We had the room to ourselves but now a new set of problems ensued. I had to sleep with my bedroom door open. Anyone who knows me knows two things have to happen for me to sleep tight. The closets have to be closed all the way so the clowns stay inside. The bedroom door must be shut and locked so the serial killers stay away. Now, the door was open and I was closest to it. It was going to be a long night.

"Um, I hate to wake you up again," I said, tapping The Hubs. "Would you mind switching sides of the bed." And to justify my middle of the night lunacy, I added, "You know, I never sleep closest to the door in hotels."

"We're not in a hotel. We're home," he said (but note, he was already starting to move.)

"I know. I know. But, you know me." I said. Then, the clincher, "And you married it."

We switched sides which proved harder on me because now I had to get used to a new side of the bed and one which smelled funkier than my side. The Hubs said he had to get used to a whole new side but then he passed right now. I must have fallen asleep because I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, literally, at 7 a.m. when I finally heard crying from the monitor. She made it through the night but I barely did.


Stamford Talk said...

so glad you shared the link to this. I think you are THE funniest storyteller/writer I know- and I'm even including Manager Mom (also at blogspot if you've never read her) in that! I'm glad B's first night went well!

Julie said...

Yeah, why is it their side of the bed is always rank?! I make him shower every day and everything....