Thursday, November 12, 2009

Merry Crazy Ass Christmas

Leave it to me to put an unbelievably high standard on myself for Hell’s Bells’s Christmas card debut. But, truth be told, I have been planning her card since LAST Christmas. My vision is something angelic. My little tootie all dressed in white, in front of a sparkling Christmas tree, a slight smile on her face, eyes looking upwards filled with the magic of the Holiday.

Here’s what you can’t see, The Hubs and I jumping around behind the photographer like jesters burning calories and breaking a major sweat just to get that slight smile. A tiny hand, out of the camera’s view trying to grab whatever it can to pull the tree down; and the sound of a wet burp that you know just had a little extra something to it that at any minute is going to dribble down the front of that white dress.

The other day, I was holding her as I flicked on the hallway light. She stared up at the ceiling fan with the exactly look I wanted for the Christmas card. “That look,” I said, “That look right there!”

So, The Hubs devised a plan. I should decorate the tree and never let Hell’s Bells see it lit until that very moment. I should sit behind the photographer with my foot on the switch until the right moment (that moment being BEFORE I hear the wet burp) and then hit the switch. However, I am deathly afraid that plan will backfire and the sight of all the colors and lights will scare the child out of her wits. Or, worse, I will get a face so confused that it might be mistaken for her poop face sans the grunting and bright shade of red she gets.

Did I also mention that I have three outfits picked out for this picture and everyday I find another one. I will be lucky to get one good picture in a single outfit, much less attempt to get the miniature Cher into THREE different ones. As it is now, it takes a good TEN MINUTES and ALL my patience to get her dressed for daycare in the morning. I can't imagine how many bottles of wine I would need to settle my nerves after three. But, come hell or high water, I will probably attempt to try all of them. I know I will get the perfect look in the not so perfect outfit and I will have to Photoshop her head onto another picture.

Oh great. As I type this, yet another outfit came in the mail. Four!!! Can I possibly have four wardrobe changes for one Christmas card? Yes, yes I can . . . . . I think.

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