Friday, July 13, 2007

Wheelchair Asshole

I know, from the title you thought I was going to make fun of people in wheelchairs. Well, the truth is, I am. But, not until a bit later in this blog. This blog is actually about entitled assholes but the direct quote “Wheelchair Asshole” was too funny not to spotlight.

The term entitlement seems to reign supreme in my family. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we have no fear of red lights, stop signs, speed limits and the like. It’s not that we don’t obey the rules of the road but just that if we should get pulled over by the po-po, it’s not going any further than radioing in our plates. This has carried over to other aspects. Recently, the final stages of wedding planning has caught me in a time bind. While I understand that I have to work around the schedules of others, my mother can’t grasp that concept. She is ready to throw down with my wedding coordinator. When I informed her to believe that the weight of our name was leaving the confines of our small town, she refused to believe me. REFUSED.

Everyday , when I pull into the parking garage at work, I am faced with the inconsideration of others. It seems like everyone here cannot park their cars. They either pull over the line or park crooked. This results in me having to park miles away because every car is taking up two spaces. And one person had the nerve to shoot me a look because I pulled in straight next to her crooked ass. My apologies that I can park and you can’t.

Often, I am faced with some traffic dilemma near the bakery by my house. People like to park in the firelane outside the bakery because parking in a space like everyone else must just be too fucking inconvenient for them. The problem is, the area where the bakery is a corner and the road in front of it where the firelane is a two lane road. It makes rounding that corner when a car is stopped at the Stop sign next to a vehicle parked in the firelane IMPOSSIBLE and forces the person trying to make a left to drive through the parking lot way out of their way because someone was too fucking lazy to walk 20 feet.

I feel like following these people in the bakery and asking them what makes them think their time is ANY more important that mine that I can spare the few extra seconds to walk from a legitimate space to the door but they can’t. Instead the inconvenience a few people.

This brings me to the wheelchair asshole. The boy and I went to a fancy party hosted by a vendor. There was a gentleman there in a wheelchair. At first he had my admiration because despite being in a chair he was one of the few people on the dance floor most of the night. You go sir. You go. But my admiration quickly turned to dislike when I felt something ram into me at top speed a few hours later. I looked down to see what almost knocked me over and it was wheelchair asshole. See, he had plenty of room to pass but instead he decided that he needed to weave his way through the group of people I was standing with rather than wheeling an extra foot over. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt and figured it couldn’t be easy to navigate a chair. However, it didn’t stop him from saying, “Oh, I’m sorry” and stepping to the side while speaking to him like he was a cute 5 year-old boy whose cheeks I wanted to pinch.

Later in bed I expressed my frustration at wheelchair asshole and the boy said “that guy was an idiot.” I was like, “Oh my god, you can’t call someone in a wheelchair an idiot.” The boy explained that I didn’t see the half of it. Apparently, while I was in line for the raw bar, the wheelchair asshole rolled up to our table because wanted to help himself to the box of cigars. One of stew’s co-workers was using the top of the box to put her plate on because the tables were very small. Wheelchair asshole rolled up, moved her plate while sticking his thumb in her shrimp and helped himself to a fine Cuban cigar. Who remembers that Denis Leary song. Oh yeah. Sing with me.

That is where the term was born. The words I knew I had to spotlight in my most offensive blog ever.

“He was an idiot acting like he was entitled because he was a wheelchair asshole.”

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