Friday, April 06, 2007

I'm going to hell and picking steak out of my teeth the whole way down

The wait at Outback on a Friday is hell. It could be hours before your ass sees a seat and at least another hour or so before it sees the calories from the victorian horseradish encrusted fillet you are about to inhale. I've spent more Friday nights waiting for my Matey beeper to vibrate and blink than I care to admit. That is how stew and I started Pagan Good Friday fests. Any good Catholic knows that Good Friday means no meat. I haven't observed this since moving out from under my parent's roof and partaking in a meatlovers pizza party one Good Friday many moons ago.

And now that Stew and I have been officially labeled Heathens by our families for our refusal to get married in a church, we rightfully eat meat on good Friday and love every chewy, bloody bite of it. Every year we pick a new House of Meat Worship that is usually swamped on a friday night and we just show up during prime eating time. Sometimes we have to wait because other heathens and Jewish people have to eat too but usually the wait is no longer than 20 minutes. No beeper necessary. We're the epitome of "no rules" so bring on the meat.
Right now, as I am writing this at 2 p.m. on Good Friday, I am taking breaks to bite into my roast beef sammich.


However, they did screw it up and leave off the pickled ginger and the wasabi mayo that i was the ONLY reason I got this stupid sandwich and paid $2 extra for double meat.

So, tonight is pagan meat fest and then Sunday we'll please the families by donning pretty Easter bonnets and giving each other baskets full of stuff because after having a big meat meal, you know you want some candy. Of course Stew has a list full of things I require to be in my basket like a Just Hatched Peep and a Reese's peanutbutter egg. And, because i still have to keep up the illusion that I care about what I eat, Sugar Free Peeps (They are actually pretty good.) I also keep hinting (albeit not at all in a subtle manner) that I'm also expecting something i picked out in Tiffany a week ago. It's unlikely that it will be there so I have already braced for the sadness. Even more unlikely now that Stew got a speeding ticket on his way to work that is more than the item I want. So, when he is in Court fighting it, he should keep that in mind and write the check and put it in a blue box with a white ribbon.

And before you think I am mean. Okay, I am. But still. I got Stew a basket full of really cool stuff that he is not expecting and will really like. Now, I just have to wake up before him so I can hide it.

1 comment:

Secret Super Hero Grrrl said...

How the fuck do you make something "sugar free" that is made entirely out of spun sugar?

I ponder these things.