Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Ninja of the nasty and a pregnant Suri Cruise

Stew is nasty. can I just say that?

Nasty. Nasty. Nasty. Nasty.

I was showering yesterday afternoon when I came home from work. I like to do this because for some reason the AC is on the in the court room all day and I am frozen solid when I come home. Despite having on a turtleneck and very thick cardigan. So, I take a really hot shower. REALLY hot. So, i am showering away and Stew comes home. I am cut off from him all day so I get excited when he comes home because I can tell him all the craziness I saw that day. After a few attempts at yelling from a shower down the stairs, he came upstairs and into the bathroom. We chatted for a bit and then he walked out. That is when the smell hit me.

"OH MY GOD!!!!!' i screamed. "Did you fart in here?"

He came in to investigate and immediately let out an "oof, I'm sorry that is bad."

It was like the fan pulled it up from the depths of his bowels and then was blowing the rank down onto me in the shower. I was trapped. With my legs coated in shave gel - trapped.

I called him every name in the book including Hitler because I literally felt like I was in a gas chamber clawing at the walls to free myself. It was terrible.

so, where does Suri Cruise fit into this?

Well, nowhere really. A few nights ago I had this crazy dream that Suri Cruise was being bred. She was a year old and was preggers for the seond time. As if a pregnant 1 year-old was not a disturbing visual in itself, for some reason she lived under my desk at work and it was my responsibility to lead care for her during her pregnancy. I kept forgetting to feed her and she was in so much pain with her distended belly. We had to be so careful with her too. careful not to apply any pressure whatsoever to her protuding belly.

No wonder i couldn't sleep.

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